It's been kind of a tough week. Not horrible... just a little bit frustrating. You know those weeks when everyone cancels the day of the lesson when you've already taken the metro the 20 or 30 minutes to their area? It was one of those weeks. Honestly, by the end of the week it was kind of funny because we'd passed the angry phase and we'd moved into that helpless laughter phase. This week will be better. :)
One thing that was super cool this week happened at church yesterday. My companion and I were walking around greeting people before church started and getting things organized when I looked over at the hallway just in time to see somebody pass at the doorway who I recognized... it was one of our investigators who we had lazily neglected to invite to church... and yet he came anyway! And he brought his girlfriend! It was super awesome. I took it as the Lord's way of saying, "Elder McOmber, I can do this with or without you. I prefer with you, but you'd better step it up."
Which leads to the last point I want to share. I had kind of a sack cloth and ashes moment last night as I was praying; it's something very special to me but I would like to share it with you all.
As I was praying, I was feeling very inadequate and very unprepared for the responsibilities I have right now. I remember very clearly saying, "Father, I don't feel good enough to do this. I don't feel like I'm living up to the expectations and I feel like I'm failing."
And then I felt something. I didn't hear an audible voice, but these words came to my mind very clearly.
"Elder McOmber, that is because you are relying on you. Stop relying on you and start relying on Me."
I was somewhat taken aback by the clarity and the speed of the response. After a few seconds, I simply asked, "How?"
To which I received one word in answer.
"Obey."
I am not a disobedient missionary; I wake up on time, I go to bed on time, I don't watch movies or anything silly and clearly disobedient like that. But, these last few weeks have been a struggle in terms of my being "anxiously engaged." I seemed to be finding excuses to avoid aspects of missionary work that are harder, trying to take the easy route. I was becoming a Pharisee, outwardly obedient but inwardly wayward.
There comes a moment for each of us, usually pretty often, in which we have to make a decision between good, better, and best - which usually correlates to hard, harder, and hardest. Sometimes we can try and make excuses to take the easier route. At least, I definitely do.
So... let's quit it. Because the road from Jerusalem to Calvary certainly wasn't the easy route; yet there was One who made no excuses. I have a quote that I love by (I believe) Alistair Cooke which goes, "A professional is someone who can do his best when he doesn't particularly feel like it." Well, I want to change it a bit and say, "A disciple of Christ is someone who can do his best when he doesn't particularly feel like it."
So when we don't particularly feel like it - how lucky we are, for that is our chance to truly show our faith and our level of conversion!
En avant!
Elder Bryan McOmber
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