I'm dead.
I'm really, really dead.
I'm seriously just... dead.
So... I have been transferred. In two days,
I am supposed to board a bus to go to downtown Quebec City, where I
will be serving with Elder Peery. I have been unable to sleep for the
past two nights. It's like I'm leaving home all over again. I've grown
to love the people in Victoriaville so much; the thought of living in a
large city (with the accompanying TERRIBLE traffic) almost drives me to
tears. I'm... just... I don't know how to react. I'm going to miss
everyone so much. The good news is that I will be remaining in the same
stake (for those of you who aren't LDS, that means a group of
congregations who all meet together twice a year), so when we have stake
conferences, I will be seeing the members from Victoriaville. So at
least there's that. And I will still be able to go on exchanges with
Elder Gutierrez. So... life goes on. I guess this is the mission. I know
this call comes from the Lord, and so I will fulfil it to the best of
my ability, knowing He will carry me to greater heights than I can reach
on my own.
Normally, I would place something
funny into this letter. Well. I'm actually going completely insane and
am struggling just to focus with all of the stress I have right now; so
humor is (amazingly) not on the forefront of my mind at this current
point in time. I guess if you would like something to laugh at, picture
my face when I heard I was being transferred. I don't think my jaw has
come up from the floor since (which makes eating a struggle). But...
yeah. The state of my mind is pretty hilarious, you could say.
I'm just freaking out.
To finish, I would like to share an experience I had this week.
For
those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I am a very
critical person; mostly of myself. I tend to get down on myself when
things aren't going my way, and I start to blame all of the problems
surrounding me on my own imperfections. (Do not do this. This is not
smart. Just for the record.)
Well, I don't know
if anybody back home knows this, but the culture of Quebec is very
standoffish towards religions in general, due to some events in its
history related to religion. We have been threatened, yelled at,
insulted, ignored, flipped off, and had doors slammed in our faces more
times than I can even begin to count. Multiple people have looked me in
the eyes as I testified of the Savior and told me that I shouldn't be
here, that I should be back in the United States at school, learning how
the world actually works and keeping my faith to myself.
As
I have been prone to do, I began to blame all of these struggles on
myself. I got pretty low. I had some nights where I would come home and
just want to hit something, and other nights where I just wanted to sit
in the corner and ignore everything for a while. I was pretty darn
depressed. I was certain that if I could just be better, everything
would magically start going my way. No, I wasn't expecting people to
come by the thousands, begging to be baptized. But I was very, very,
very low in my self-esteem and self-confidence.
I talked to my mission president.
I would like to share with all of you what he shared with me.
Perfection
is a very strong word. It is a state of being, a state of completion in
which we, by definition, can be no better. And when we expect this of
ourselves, we will never live up to that standard. Because perfection is
the end goal. And it is quite a long staircase to get there.
The
work and glory of our Heavenly Father is to bring to pass the
immortality and eternal life of man. The term "bring to pass" does not
denote an instant change, as in "let there be light." Not at all. And
when the Savior said, "Be ye therefore perfect," He was describing a
process, not a flip of a switch. That is why He included the word
"therefore." The "therefore" was referring to His teachings in His
Sermon on the Mount, which had preceded His final statement in Matthew 5:48.
It is through TRYING, through our own EFFORT to live His gospel, and
through the marvelous gift of repentance through the perfect Atonement
of Jesus Christ that we can stay on that path that eventually leads to
perfection. Of course we're imperfect! That's part of life, that's being
human!
So find the balance. Don't place the
bar so low that you don't have to stretch to reach it; but don't place
it so high that the achievement is impossible. The Lord desires progress
toward perfection from us; not the state itself; not yet.
Doctrine and Covenants 46:9
I
love the Lord. I will strive to give Him everything I have, and when I
fail, I will use the incredible gift of His Atonement to help me back
onto the path to perfection. I love our Father in Heaven, and I will
testify of Him and His Son to anyone who will listen, and even those who
won't.
En avant!
Elder Bryan McOmber
The Furlano family! They invited us to lunch to see me off to Quebec. I'm gonna miss them a lot. They're the best! :)
He's just the cutest kid ever. I'm gonna miss Esteban.
Quebec sunsets... pas pire.
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